Disappointment

One of the biggest things I've been struggling with since our move has been what I'm going to do for work. I've had some temporary work, but haven't worked now in three months, and the money is running out quickly. We're not destitute, but we can no longer afford to do any work on the house. We'll finish painting the final room upstairs, but the crown moulding, 1/4 round, cupboards, doors, etc. will all have to wait until I find a way to make some money.

I've been toying with some ideas of working from home, but I haven't really been able to come up with anything that will make enough money to help us. I mean, if I was working outside the house as well as working from home it would help, but my ideas of the crafty things I could make and sell, or tutoring, isn't going to bring in enough money to make ends meet.

I am a teacher.

I was a teacher.

When we first talked about moving I thought I could use a change from teaching. I still wasn't sure if that was what I wanted to spend my life doing. I wasn't sure if I loved it enough. It's a lot harder than you think it is, unless you're a teacher. Then you know how hard it is. Teachers are highly under-appreciated, and they work way harder than most people give them credit for. Sometimes it is a thankless job, but teachers do it because they love it. I wasn't sure how much I loved it. Until I stopped.

For months I've been weighing how I feel about it, reflecting on my choices. I came to the conclusion that I really do love teaching. I miss teaching. I miss my colleagues, my students, and I miss learning about teaching, and how to teach better! I miss my classroom and my books, the noise, the mess, the smiles and laughs. I really miss a paycheck. Maybe it's just because I feel so lonely here sometimes, but I miss it so much it hurts my heart to think about. I want to teach again.

Here, I don't know what I am. I don't know what I'll do. I've applied for many jobs now. I've had two interviews. I've turned down two job offers. One was tutoring, but I didn't get a good feeling about the company or the boss, and they couldn't garauntee how much I'd work. I didn't think it would be a good place for me. That was back in August or September. The other offer was at a greenhouse, last week, but it was minimum wage and only three months. Unfortunately that would mean I wouldn't make enough money to have a car (by the time we purchase a second car (estimate $2000), get a safety inspection, fix anything, transfer it, insure it, and pay for gas, I estimated $4,500 total) and the job was a 30 minute drive away, no bus access. And again, it didn't sound like the hours would be garaunteed. That one really hurt my heart to turn down. The people there seemed really nice and I think I might have enjoyed it. I've been feeling really down about it.

I've been watching all the websites I know of, looking for something I can do. Some ideas, some hope, anything. But I've been distracted from my "real" job. I needed to wait until the end of January to apply for my criminal record check here, so I could apply for my certification here. I was distracted. I didn't do it until the end of February. I was going to apply to the school district here. I realized last night that I missed the deadline for applying by 21 days. It was March 1st. I finished the application and submitted it anyways, but I suspect it will be to no avail.

I'm so disappointed. I think I cried myself to sleep last night.

I have no idea what I'll do for work here.